So, Sofia has been really sick with the flu for the past week. It started out with a nasty nighttime cough and it progressed to a full-on cold; accompanied by fever, vomiting and a stuffy nose. Well, to say that no one at my house has gotten any sleep, is the least of it. For the past few days, I have been sleep deprived, cranky, and now with the flu myself.
Not that I am looking for pity, but during the past few days, I have come to certain conclusions. Parenthood is nothing like you’d imagine, definitely nothing like I’d imagine. And for those out there with or without kids, I am speaking from the heart, from my personal journey as a mother. I may be wrong, I may be too harsh in my views, but this is my truth; one I feel compelled to share, even if it may be momentary, or hard to describe.
As if it’s not common knowledge already, once you have children, you are forced to put everything on the scale, everything!! You suddenly have to reconsider every decision, weigh every option, evaluate your moral codes, all because you are no longer a single, standing entity. Now another life or lives have come to depend on yours, for everything, from feeding, to bathing, to educating, to making healthy and wise choices in every matter possible. Talk about pressure! Talk about responsibility! Nothing I can think of in my life comes even close to it.
Hollywood makes being a parent seem so effortless, a constant stream of joyful and non-stop happy moments, filled only with pure love and affection…A lot of the movies, TV shows and seasoned parents make it seem as if you will never feel alone again, as if you can have it all under control, ALL THE TIME! And as if suddenly your life has an ultimate purpose and relentless motivation every second of the day…
Well, let me just say this, being a parent is so much more than that…But no one seems to talk about it…I must say it is a tough subject to discuss. WE all want to seem in control, figured out, not many want to admit their failures and hardships…I understand. I mean, just writing this down is difficult. Like I am supposed to know what to do all the time as a mom…like I am supposed to have all the answers…
But what I know to be true is that most of the time it is about learning to let go…learning to give up a part of yourself that is constantly looking for clarification, perfection, for things to make sense. It can be extremely difficult to snap out of your own head and focus completely and utterly into another being…no matter how much you love that person, parenthood is not a given…it is not always instinctual. It takes work and successes and failures, laughter and tears…all of it!
Sometimes you have to fight with everything you’ve got to make it through the day, to not walk away from the messy house, the screaming children, from the sick baby, from the teen angst and anger targeted towards you for whatever reason, real or not…
I see the effort my mom has and still makes on a daily basis to ensure that my brother and I, two adults, can have everything we need…And I see that the job of a parent never ends, it is not until the kids move out, or once they get married, or even have children of their own…It is a commitment you make and stick with forever.
This morning I felt so exhausted after a whole day with my little one crying, vomiting and having diarrhea…Nothing else could receive my attention, my care, my energy…and I realized something. The heck with politicians, CEOs and high-profile celebrities, the real heroes are also behind parents who deal with all the unglamorous, non-publicized, unrewarded and incredibly difficult job of being a parent.
I used to be so critical of parents before I had my own, judging them left and right for their choices, but after almost ten years as a mother, I have to admit that all my criticism has almost completely vanished.
For so long my main goal in life was to find what I was good at, what I did well, what I had a talent or a knack for so that I could transform that into a career, which would allow me to gain freedom, financial and otherwise. I struggled to see that through, always the weigh of having to choose between success in the business world, monetary stability and my role as a present mother. I have been lucky to have had the choice as I know many parents who have no alternative but to work full-time in order to maintain a household and to still have energy leftover to be a loving parent.
I would be lying if I said that at times I am not resentful for having to choose. For having to neither be here nor there…such a fine balance is required, I tend to think; it seems almost impossible, an illusive notion…As most parents I know battle with this issue constantly as I have and still do. I mean, when you are working, you are thinking about how you are not available for your kids and when at home, you struggle to leave your work behind.
Now I know that my most important job is the one no one will ever praise me for, the one I will never receive a dime for doing, the one that won’t get me promoted or buy me that big house or the shiny car. The same job millions of parents out there in the world do quietly day in and day out, giving up their own needs and wants for the health and happiness of their children.
And for that, I want to extend my gratitude to all the present and committed parents out there including my own…You are the REAL HEROES, never forget it because I am sure your kids won’t either….At least I hope not!!
